Your Brain on Work: Why Some Work Conversations Make Your Mind Go Blank
Why can some work conversations make it so much harder to think and communicate clearly? There’s a reason why.
You're talking with a colleague.
The conversation feels easy.
The words come naturally.
You say what comes to mind.
You don't spend much time thinking about how you sound.
But then you're in a different conversation.
Maybe it's with your boss.
A senior leader.
Or even a colleague you just don't feel completely comfortable around.
Suddenly, something changes.
You know you have something to say.
But your mind goes blank.
You start second-guessing your words or you stay quiet altogether.
Later, of course, you think of exactly what you wanted to say.
So why can some work conversations make it so much harder to think and communicate clearly?
There’s a reason why.
What’s happening in your brain?
Your brain is constantly paying attention to what feels important.
And some conversations may feel more important than others.
Maybe the person you're talking to has authority over you.
Maybe you've had a difficult interaction with them before.
Maybe you're worried about disagreement or saying the wrong thing.
Whatever the reason, your brain can start treating the conversation as higher stakes.
‘Don't say the wrong thing.’ ‘Make a good impression.’ ‘Make sure they understand what you mean.’
Suddenly, you're not just having a conversation.
You're also monitoring yourself while you're having a conversation.
And that can make it harder to access the thoughts and words that would normally come naturally.
Part of your attention is now focused on the conversation.
And part of it is now focused on you.
Why split attention can make the conversation even harder
When your attention is split between focusing on the conversation and yourself, you may start to struggle to find your words.
And once you start noticing that you're struggling, the conversation can become even more difficult.
You may start to think - ‘Why can't I think of what to say?’ ‘They're probably wondering why I'm so quiet.’ ‘That didn't come out right.’
You may start editing every sentence before you speak, trying to predict how the other person will respond.
Or you may wait until you know exactly how to say something.
And sometimes, the easiest way to avoid saying the wrong thing is to say nothing at all.
But the problem with that is, your brain may learn something from that experience.
‘Staying quiet helped me avoid a difficult moment.’
So the next time you're in a similar conversation, your beautiful human brain may become even more cautious.
Before you've even said a single word.
So what can we do about it?
The goal isn't to feel completely comfortable in every conversation.
Some conversations are important.
Some relationships are complicated.
And sometimes there really are consequences to what we say.
But it can help to notice when your brain has shifted from communicating to monitoring your own performance.
Instead of asking - ‘How am I coming across?’
Try asking - ‘What do I actually want this person to understand?’ or ‘What am I trying to solve here?’
Bring your attention back to the purpose of the conversation.
The goal isn’t to know exactly what the other person thinks of you while you're speaking and try to prepare every move accordingly.
The goal is to stay connected to what you want to communicate.
And the more often you practice speaking in conversations that feel uncomfortable, the more evidence your brain gets that discomfort doesn't necessarily mean danger.
Over time, you may find that the conversation itself doesn't change.
But the amount of energy you spend monitoring yourself during it does.
Because sometimes your mind doesn't go blank because you have nothing to say.
It goes blank because your brain has decided the conversation matters so much that it's trying too hard to get it right.
Your Brain on Work is a WorkSense™ publication exploring the psychology behind our everyday experiences at work - and using those insights to help work make sense.